S3E5 - Vasectomies

In this informative episode, Jess (The Playful Domme), Lisa (The Poly Wife), and Ella (The Virgin) discuss vasectomies, addressing common myths, misconceptions, and practical considerations about the procedure. Lisa shares her personal experiences with partners who have chosen vasectomies, explaining how it has positively impacted their relationships and removed the stress of unplanned pregnancy. The hosts explore the benefits of vasectomy as a reliable birth control method and discuss the recovery process, including tips on supporting a partner who has undergone the procedure. They emphasize the importance of open dialogue and mutual decision-making in family planning.

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🔥SHOW NOTES🔥

[00:00:00] - Introduction and disclaimer for mature audiences.

[00:02:00] - Jess shares her experience with her partner, who had a vasectomy to ensure they wouldn't have children together, while discussing the process and its benefits.

[00:04:00] - Jess talks about the challenges of contraception and the emotional toll it took on her, highlighting the peace of mind a vasectomy provides.

[00:06:00] - Ella reflects on her previous experiences with contraception, including the withdrawal method, and how freeing it is now with her partner’s vasectomy.

[00:08:00] - Lisa shares her experience with her husband’s vasectomy and how it improved their sex life by removing the stress of unplanned pregnancies.

[00:10:00] - The trio discusses the societal stigma around vasectomies and why men should be more open to taking responsibility for contraception.

[00:12:00] - Jess talks about how some men may fear vasectomies, while others avoid the process out of uncertainty, and why open communication is crucial.

[00:14:00] - The conversation shifts to the broader conversation about STIs and the need for regular testing, especially when having multiple partners.

[00:16:00] - Lisa shares her experiences of testing for STIs regularly and the importance of open communication with sexual partners.

[00:18:00] - Jess and Lisa reflect on how, despite the challenges, their sexual freedom and connection have been enhanced by these conversations and the decision for their partners to get vasectomies.

[00:20:00] - The episode ends with a discussion on setting boundaries, clear communication in sexual relationships, and the importance of being upfront about desires and safety.

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🔥RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED🔥

• The Playful Podcast Website: www.theplayfulpodcast.com – For after-hours content, workshops, and community access.

• The Wheel of Consent by Betty Martin: A foundational tool for understanding boundaries, mutual pleasure

Transcript

Jess the Playful Domme: 0:12

Welcome to the playful Dom, the Poly Wife and the Virgin Podcast, where we share our most intimate stories, experiences, and details of our love lives, our intimacy lives, our play lives, and giving you the opportunity to gaze in and get a glimpse of what could be possible in your life as well. As we share our stories, our adventures, we weave in tips. tricks and techniques to help build your confidence, boost your courage and give you the opportunity to ask for what you want in your life. Welcome to the podcast. Oh, and just a couple of quick thoughts before we get started. One, we are just everyday people. We are not professionals, licensed therapists, anything like that. This is for edutainment purposes only. This is not medical advice or legal advice, financial advice, none of the like that. Listen at your own discretion. And this is for mature audiences. We're going into deep subjects and sharing deeply about intimacy and all the things about that. So just notice who you're around and let's go.

20230809-TPP-Audio-Vasectomies-1: 1:25

Hello everyone and welcome to the latest episode of the Playful Dom, the Polywife, and the Virgin podcast. Three ladies who come together to share about their adventures into intimacy, play, and sensuality with themselves and others. Today, we're going to have a conversation about Contraception, contraception, and specifically about vasectomies.

Jess the Playful Domme: 1:52

So, this is probably going to be a really great one to kind of nudge the guy in your life, or perhaps any men who are listening. I know that a lot of them, actually, surprisingly, there's a lot of men who love to listen to these podcasts, which kind of blows my mind, but they get so much out of it, and they are very entertained by it. And they keep asking, where's more? So, so today this message is for you. Okay. So, um, we all, each of us have a story. So I am Jess Lopeful Dom. I'm 43 and my partner that I started dating nine months ago, uh, at the very beginning, uh, he's 47 at the very beginning, we established that he did not want to have any more children. Um, he has one, she's perfect. He did a great job raising her. She's just about to leave the house. So for him to have a baby on the way is just not in the cards of desire. And for me, I've never had children. Um, and I've been pretty ambivalent. It's kind of like, well, if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. But he made it really clear that he, uh, didn't want any and I don't do contraception because of the chemicals and how it impacts hormones and things like that and what it does to a woman's body. So I, I stopped taking contraception stuff three, uh, 10 years ago. Because I was like, if I'm going to have a baby and I heard it takes a few years to work it out of your system. So, so anyways, um, other men, uh, they've already either had vasectomies. So, you know, whatever it is. So I ended up giving him this thing, like, okay, great. Well, if you don't want to wear a condom and you don't, and I'm not taking contraception, there's kind of like, you need to go get snipped. And, uh, So he, like, right at the beginning of our relationship, he, he went in and started, it's a several month process, you guys, so, like, he had to go to a general practitioner, get the okay, then go see the specialist. And he's in Hawaii, so all that takes time and then he had to get snipped and he went in and got it and he was told it was like getting kicked in the balls really hard and it was going to last for a few days, you know, whatever. And it took a while for the, where they did the incision or whatever it is, uh, took a while for it to heal. And then he has to wait three months and he was also supposed to be on a kind of like a. Release practice. Let's just say to kind of clear the clear the tank. Get all the kids out of the pool. Um, and then so just yesterday and then he was delaying getting the final final check in. And I was just like, babe, you got it. I gotta go get this thing done. So it's not a very fun process for guys, but there's so much fun waiting on the other side of it. So he went in and he got his sample tested and it turns out below detection. So now we are pretty fancy free that we're like, all right, let's go in and have the real fun. So for me as a woman. I, especially when I was younger, but even now, I would get nervous every time I had sex with somebody. Every time. What if I get pregnant? What if I catch something? Every single time. So, um, Ella is going to share where she's at and Lisa will as well, but, um, that's where That's where the conversation started. It's like, Oh, let's talk about contraception and specifically vasectomies and what it does for us as women. Because my partner, he paid with insurance, I think it was 11.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 5:43

Oh, geez. Very affordable.

Jess the Playful Domme: 5:45

11 to go provide me and him peace of mind for the next 30, however many years. So Ella, where are you at with it?

Ella the Virgin: 5:57

Oh, gosh, this is a great topic. Um, I was married for, like I said, 20, 25 years, something like that. And at the time, Sorry about that. I had a call that came in. My partner at the time, um, did not want to get snipped. And I realized now I'm 55 and I realized now that it really, um, Oh gosh. And it was, you, you were always worried, always concerned, you know, and again, we just practiced like the withdrawal method. I swear I must not be, um, fertile or something. We were very, very lucky. I have two children, but that's it. So it's, it's, it, again, it doesn't make sense to be, If I fast forward now, you know, my My lover, that's a great lover, an amazing lover. And he actually was hit up a second me the first time and actually had a child. Um, it's like one in a million or 2 million or 10 million chance of having that happen, and then he had to go in again, but his, and I, and I think why our loving is so good and so free. It's because you don't have to worry about that. I don't have to worry about putting chemicals in. And I had an IUD, um, but again, you would, you can hit that string and it can hurt at times. You can believe, um, it was good during, you know, the, my change of life or whatever, but I mean, it's been out and it's just much more freeing and much more open. You don't have to worry, like you said. And the thought of dating and dating these, Men that are after childbearing age and they haven't been snipped. I don't understand. I just don't get it because it's just not nearly as fraying. And I now have those. I have pellets. I had the hormones injected my pellets. Um, and I can't, I can't think more hormones. It's not possible. Am I fertile? I'm not sure. Am I not? I'm not sure, but I don't want to take the risk. So I think my personal opinion at a certain period of time, 50. Come on guys, get snipped and let's have fun. So free fun. So you don't ever have to worry. So that's, I don't know, that's my opinion, but what are you waiting for? That's what I'm saying. So that's my take on it.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 7:56

And in my case, this is Lisa, the poly wife, I'm past my child bearing years. And so I am back in now my husband did end up finally getting a vasectomy. He was the one in the start of our marriage who never wanted to have kids. And, um, we used contraception and got pregnant anyway. And so that was, That made me even more paranoid every time we had sex. And I know that that was one of the main reasons our sex life took a dive was because I was so nervous every time we had sex.'cause we didn't wanna have kids at the time. My mom had me when she was 40 and we got married when I was 23, so I. Expected 17 years of sex without children because I didn't intend to start having kids until I was 40 and my mother's mother in 1923 was 40 when she had her. So I come from a long line of women. Well, long line to generation certainly of women who have pregnancies late in life. And so, uh, I was intentional in not getting pregnant in my twenties and thirties, but he refused to get a vasectomy. And finally, I don't know what, I think a friend of his may have gotten one. He was like, Oh, sit on a bag of peas. You'll be fine. Right? It's like no big deal. Just snip, snip. And you're done in a weekend. Versus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Lisa having to be on the pill or take some kind of hormonal interaction intervention for a debt for decades. So he finally did it and that was great. And I remember that sense of freedom and it was so wonderful to have spontaneous sex. What a concept it was. Unfortunately. Now that I'm polyamorous, uh, while I don't have any kind of fear of getting pregnant, now my fear is, um, STIs. So, um, I had a rather, um, free sense of Freedom because I was giving blood platelets at least once a month, but every maybe twice a month and they test your blood for everything because they can't put contaminated blood into another person. And so they tested for everything. And I thought that they tested for everything, everything, but I didn't realize that something like chlamydia, for instance, can only be tested with a urinal urine. urine sample or a swab. So I had not been tested for that. And I did end up testing positive. It was a false positive, but it was still a positive result. And I had, I was lucky to have gone four years without any kind of interface interaction. And mostly it was because I insist on panels with everything. partner. Now, I have been lax sometimes. I have not seen other people's panels or it's been close to a year since their panels or many lovers since their last panels. And, um, I had, I had taken those risks, but I don't anymore. Now, not only am I ensuring that my partners have had tests, but I'm ensuring that they insist that their partners have tests as well. So I'm talking openly about that. And now I specifically test for the more common ones, chlamydia, HIV, gonorrhea, and syphilis after each new lover. So I know because I'm not making a dozen phone calls again, right? It had been a year since my last chlamydia test, and I had to make Not quite a dozen but I had to make six or eight phone calls and it sucked to have to contact them and they were wonderful about it, but I don't want to do it again so if I have a new lover, I get a new round of new round of the more common tests. And so, um, my partner and I. We had met in May, we played lightly, but we didn't have intercourse because he had not had recent panels. And so, um, his tests came back and we finally were able to have intercourse last week, which was really a lot of fun. And we had, we actually, he flew me to Las Vegas and that was a really fun trip for the two of us. Um, but I tested again. As soon as I got back, not because because he had one other lover that he's had for two years, and he was, he tested clear, but my rule is, if I have intercourse with somebody I'm testing so because we don't know where it could come from. And there are some STIs that you can get like HPV is Not only sexually transmitted, right? So it can be easily transmitted in other ways. And so I'm being uber careful, but the vasectomy thing, when my husband finally got the vasectomy, we had great, um, free sex and now I'm not dating men under 50, and I'm pretty sure that. The three men that I'm having sex with have all had vasectomies and they, they were like, yeah, I'm done with my child rearing. I don't need the pipes to be clear anymore. I don't need open pipes. So, um, I've been grateful to do that, but I'll tell you something. I will tell you something. The men that I have met who are in their thirties and forties specifically date women who are past menopause. Because they don't want to get pregnant and given that everybody's had panels, they don't want to use condoms. And so they date women who are either past childbearing years or have had, um, their tubes tied because they will eventually have kids, but they don't want them now. And they're, they're careful about who they're having sex with because they are literally one of them told me, I don't want to get trapped.

Ella the Virgin: 14:04

Oh, wow. So I often wonder, um, because it's a relatively easy surgery for men is like, why, I mean, what, I wonder what's going on in their head. You know, do they think that if they get snipped that maybe they're, you know, they, that their, their cock won't work. Um, I, I often wonder, it's, it's, it's odd to me. So.

Jess the Playful Domme: 14:29

We'll have to bring a man in so that they can give us their perspective or a man's perspective. But I, um, and the other thing is that vasectomies are reversible, so you can decide, you know, actually I do want to have kids and you can have it reversed. So to me, it's like, if you have the choice to go in and get a snip and let's just say it's 300, let's just, let's just say it's 100, whatever it is. The burden that's put on a woman with the impact of the constant contraception on her body, it ravages it, it causes us, like, when I was 18, I went on birth control for the first time, you know I'm an emotional person, I was a basket case, I was an emotional fucking rollercoaster, I don't know how my boyfriend did it, like, I apologized to him, and we haven't, I mean, it's been 25 years, but like, I, Recently we were, you know, talking and I was like, Hey, you know, I'm, I'm really sorry for how, how I was during that time. He's, well, he's like, well, what 18 year old isn't hormonal, but you know, it's just, it, it was just so crazy, the mood swings. And, and, and so this is what's happening to our body because it's not naturally occurring. It's stuff that's being put into us. Chemicals are being put into our bodies at this huge impact. So. There's that. And then like the, again, like the, the fear we can't let go, enjoy ourselves with sex. And then there's like the guilt. I can't even tell you how many times I'm like, Oh, if I miss one day taking that birth control, that's shit. So the last whole month, yeah.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 16:06

Right.

Jess the Playful Domme: 16:07

Yeah.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 16:08

Period. Again, I can't absolutely trust that the birth control will work until I get my cycle again. Right.

Jess the Playful Domme: 16:15

And there's women who've had light periods pregnant. We're pregnant. And they were having late periods and they didn't know. I have a girlfriend who, she didn't know she was pregnant, she was still having late periods and she was going to end the relationship. And then found out that she was pregnant. And, and they ended up actually, it seems like they've created actually a really beautiful life. They, they got married. She has kids with him. You know, they look very, very happy. So that must have been a blessing in disguise.

Ella the Virgin: 16:47

Yeah.

Jess the Playful Domme: 16:47

You know, So, blessings in disguise and miracles happen, right? And there's certain things where maybe our destiny is carved out a different way, but to me, like, to feel the guilt, The worry, the concern, the like, what if, and I don't know, and how am I going to do this? And like, you know, it just, it totally zaps us from the enjoyment of the moment. And to me, a guy can, I mean, not to say that, you know, my partner also did the pullout method and he was like, his, his argument was, well, his last partner he had been with for seven years. They did the pull out method and it worked and it's like there's still sperm in the pre cum like so yeah Well, it's a it's a roulette like, you know, you just there's there might be just that one time

Ella the Virgin: 17:37

It's just not as enjoyable, you know, if you can have all hardcore sex You know where you again you can come inside all that juicy stuff We speak about and really really really play me. Why wouldn't you want to do that? So especially if you're, if you're done with your children, you know, having your families, I mean, I think that's the most important part when you get to that point. So that's where I'm at in life. I just, I'm shocked at the number, you know, the, the men that have not been, um, snipped.

Jess the Playful Domme: 18:07

But if you, and if you look at a lot of, um, at least in the U S according to certain reports, there's a surge in fatherless homes. So there's like the, uh, This is another deep, deep impact that is reckless from, from men's perspectives, like to Lisa's point about young men, not wanting to get trapped. And I, I will admit there are definitely times where I was with somebody and I wish that I would get pregnant so that he would stay. I'm not proud of it. I was younger, very immature, clearly not the right thing. And I was definitely protected. I wasn't trying to get pregnant, but there was like. I remember there was one guy in college I really liked and like, he did not want to Release inside of me and I can miss him too, or maybe he didn't want to use a con he wanted to use a condom or something or like I can miss them somehow. Otherwise, that's not cool. It's not cool to do. Granted, I was 20, you know, it's different now from being 43. So part of the I again, like how we can clear the path. To responsible, fun, and intimacy starts with conversation. It starts with communication. And the things that we go that are unsaid, unspoken, and fingers crossed, and let's just hope, like, that is not a winning strategy. And that doesn't actually lead to deep intimacy. It's, it's, it's, pretty irresponsible. And we're all old enough now that like, we need to have these conversations. And it kind of, it goes back to, um, this communication style that I spoke about a couple of years ago. Um, it's worth mentioning again, and it's called, what do I call it? BDSMA. Um, so Boundaries. B is for boundaries. D is for desires. What do you want out of this? So, so boundaries can be like, I don't have sex without a condom. Or, I want to have sex without a condom, and you need to get tested. That's a boundary for me. You know, whatever it is. Desire. What, why do you want to, like, have this connection? S. Sexual health and history. And also the sexual practice, you know, the health practice you're going to do. It's so important. And if we're deciding that we don't want to talk about it, that we're ashamed of our past or whatever, guess what you not be able to be upfront and honest with the person, not a winning strategy, because it's going to come up. And you might be able to get away with it once or twice or three, however many, but at some point it's going to catch up. So you might as well just be honest. And it's hard. You know, one of my best girlfriends. She ended up contracting herpes from a guy. And he got chested and it said it was negative and she's like, I don't know who else it could be with. It was only with him, you know? And so that was a really hard path for her to walk that she had to like burn off the, the shame of having it. And you know, the it's, there's such a stigma around herpes. And so she would go on, You know, dates from, you know, the dating apps. And she was just practicing being up front in the conversation. I mean, like, look, I have herpes. Hard walk. It's a hard walk to say it, but she was like up front. She was honest about it. There's some guys who are like, yeah, thank you for letting me know. And you know, I can't, I can't see you. Great. And then there were some who were like, well, as long as you're not showing symptoms, totally fine. Because herpes. My understanding is in order to contract it from somebody, there has to be symptoms. And then it turns out that a lot of my friends have herpes and they've never had a physical symptom actually erupt. So, you know, these are, this is part of why it's important for us to have these conversations and to get an education because all we think about is like, disease, infection, and it's like, but what is it really? And so we owe ourselves that due diligence, um, M means meaning this is probably the most important element of that conversation. What does it mean for you? And what does it mean for me? If we're to move forward in sexual intimacy and play and you know, uh, women, a lot of times we make it mean that we're going to be in a relationship with somebody.

Ella the Virgin: 22:30

Oh, for sure.

Jess the Playful Domme: 22:32

And for, and then there's times where it's like, you know, the meaning is the, and again, don't lie, don't lie. It doesn't do anything good for you or for the other person. And both of you deserve to be upfront and honest, right? So this is where it's like super vulnerable. And then A is aftercare. And aftercare is, you know, maybe. The guy or maybe the other person wants to be able to hop up and immediately take a shower. Maybe the other person wants to cuddle for an hour. Maybe one wants to get up and make, make food. Maybe one wants to just, you know, give a foot massage, whatever it is. But if you're able to establish what the aftercare is and then where you two can meet and, and harmony. Add elements like, Hey, yeah, I'm happy to lay with you for 20 minutes. And then I got to get up and get a shower because it's in the aftercare that can create the abandonment. So you've had this beautiful experience. Hopefully it's a beautiful experience. Fun, beautiful. It's been intimate, right? You've had an intimate experience with this person, and then there's suddenly this separation that happens. And so if that's not okay, it's helpful to have that aftercare conversation. So. I know that like with my, you know, I and and I withheld sometimes we still withhold things because we're Not comfortable or we feel guilty or feel shame. So I'm not judging because I've done it myself. I'm sure other people have to, like, you just don't tell the whole thing. And, and eventually like it comes out. And so how can you hold that? So those are my quick thoughts. I don't know why either of you think

Ella the Virgin: 24:10

so. And I think Jess, I think this is a great topic. And I think we have to, I think we should talk about, um, again, being the honesty and upfront because I've really worked on this as I've created my boundaries and I'm going through my next chapter in my new life. You've coached me a lot on this and I didn't realize that I didn't have boundaries and people would just, you know, they were, I'm going to say attaching to me and kind of sucking off me or, or again, it was me. I didn't have boundaries, but we, you've coached me with this because there's somebody that's pretty interesting that I. That I actually, and maybe women will appreciate this, that men will generally, traditionally will come to women, um, and so for me in the past, it was like, okay, he's a nice enough guy, you know, good enough. And I mean, I think I've been with all really great guys, but is it the ideal guy or someone that I would have chosen? No, not necessarily. Not at all. So in, in working with you, you've taught me to say, go ahead and speak my truth. And, you know, we can, we can, there's so much we can talk about this, but here's what I'm looking for. You know, are you interested or are you not in kind of moving towards that and, and being quiet? It's okay. If you're quiet as well, that's been a really interesting, because if you're, if you're, instead of being on your heels, if on your, if you're on your toes and you're interested in somebody and I'm a conversationalist and I want conversation. So it's been really difficult for me to be patient, but I would love to have a whole conversation on that because it's been life changing for me and to stand in my truth and to be okay, much like, like Lisa, to be more casual. I mean, I'm 55 years old. So as long as you're safe and it's your, and it's your idea to go play with somebody and you set these rules and parameters, you're a big kid. You can go do that. So it's been really, really good. So,

Lisa the Poly Wife: 25:52

well, one of the. One of the things I love that Jessica taught me when, when, when we were living together was about establishing the playground. And so that SMA is exactly, those are the, the, the, the, the guidelines that you go on. And it's funny that you mentioned showering after sex, because I kink. I can't believe I'm saying this, but my kink is to play before we go out. And then like, if we're going out to dinner to where his come as my perfume, right? Not behind my good side, I think, but wherever it lands, I'm happy to wear it. Right. And one of the sexiest things that one of my, um, lovers did was I, We had incredibly fantastic, messy sex, and he didn't change his sheets for like three or four days. And that was just so hot to me that he was wanting to sleep in that mess that we created. And I loved that. And, um, another time with a different lover, he came all over me and I didn't shower for 24 hours. Cause I just liked the idea of just having it linger on me. Right. And I was with, um, One of my, I was with, uh, this guy that I was in Las Vegas with back in May. And when we played, he hopped out of bed and jumped in the shower afterwards. And it made me feel dirty. And

Ella the Virgin: 27:23

me too. I had that sick feeling.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 27:27

And it's his Catholic upbringing, right? It's just like, I feel like, and it used to be, my husband used to do that. As soon as we were done with sex, he'd get up and take a shower. And I hadn't been with anybody like that since then. Um, and he got over that. He definitely got over that after maybe three or four years together. Um, but I, I am the cuddle. I don't want to cuddle necessarily, but, um, don't get up immediately and wash all the fun that we've had off of you because it feels rejecting.

Ella the Virgin: 27:59

I feel the same exact way. And I didn't realize about aftercare until we first started talking on the podcast.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 28:07

Yeah.

Ella the Virgin: 28:07

And I was Oh yeah, I, I don't like that. That was one of my conversations about my last relationship for four and a half years. I'm like, I don't get it. First of all, he gets into bed, you know, with his belly down with his shirt on, which I'm like, this is weird. You know? And then after you're done, he's like, jumps up like, like he's like, he's like, again, like he's dirty. And I'm like, wow, I've never had this before. I didn't like it. So again, um, my, the last guy I dated, he had amazing aftercare. He loved it. The juicier that, you know, the, the, the, the juicier, the juicier, the better it is, it lay in it and hold me. And, you know, ah, so good. So good. But again, if you don't know that, or if you don't know to ask for that, like you said, it gets in your head. It's like, what's wrong?

Lisa the Poly Wife: 28:54

I, I, I feel like I have an obligation to say that we get to own. Making the rules that it's not being demure and quiet and letting the guide lead is. It may feel like that will keep him around longer, but it's a detriment to ourselves. And if, if we can, and honestly, I had forgotten about talking about aftercare, honestly, Jessica, I talk about all the other things practically before I meet them to see if we even have chemistry. It's like, you know, what are your boundaries? What is your sexual history? All of that happens before I have a meet with them. Because the truth is if the chemistry is right, I'll go home with them, but it's because I have vetted them so heavily. If they come with panel results, I'll go home with them that night. I don't mind having sex on the first date. That doesn't bother me at all, but it's because we've had conversation after conversation after conversation. And, um, but now I'm going to include aftercare cause I did forget about that. And it, I wasn't reminded about it. Until you said it, but I did feel some kind of way about him hopping out of bed and taking a shower. Now he didn't do that this time when we were in Vegas. Um, it was that was fantastic. But I do have something funny to say because, um, I was, I got sick when we were in Vegas, I had a gas bubble the size of my head, and I kept trying because this was our scene. basically our second date, right? And I was trying to avoid farting in front of him, just walking, right? Anything. I was just, and, and even when he left the room, I couldn't get, I couldn't move. I was rubbing my belly. I was moving my legs. I was doing all of the things to get the air moving. And finally we had to go get some gas exit. We were at dinner and I was like, he's like, how are you feeling? I said, I still have this terrible gas bubble. And he says, well, you can fart. And I'm like, Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. I have a can't fart until after the third date rule. And this is only our second date. And he laughed about that. And then later I was talking to him. I said, yeah, we were having this conversation on our podcast about farting during oral and, you know, just the embarrassment of farting during sex or oral or anything. He says, yeah, it happens a whole lot more than you think it does. And I said, and nobody talks about it because we get, we get to feeling all kinds of ways about it. But if we just were willing to say it happens and Hey, listen, And I did tell him, I was like, I'm totally willing to play, but you are not going down on me because I cannot control what's going to happen today, because I feel the gas. Most of the times it takes me by surprise, right? It's a little, but this time, this gas bubble is so big, it could be a

Ella the Virgin: 31:49

problem.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 31:49

But it was so fun for him to say, Oh yeah, it happens all the time. No big deal. And then I had another friend telling me about. actually shitting when she came so hard. And it was with her husband. He was like, I watched you shit twice when you had our kids. Like, it's not that big of a deal. Let's keep going. You know, we're in a good rhythm. Don't stop. Don't stop. Let's just take a little rag, clean up the mess. And so the, I think we are in our heads far more than the guys are in general. And I, I felt really happy that he was like, Oh, just fart. It's okay. And I was like, no, I can't. Um, but it was, it was, it was pretty hilarious. The whole farting thing that came up. I loved it. I love him too. It's awesome.

Jess the Playful Domme: 32:43

There's something about giving ourselves permission to just be upfront and honest, right? And, uh, and also being able to say when you're not in the mood and not feeling it and not making them wrong. And you know, how, how are other, what are other ways you can play? Which is why I love Offering the cock massage. Cause it's like, you know, maybe I don't want to have sex with you. I just, it's just not in me right now. Not to make you wrong, but what can I still do that has us feel connected? It helps you feel good. And the same vice versa. Like he, he could absolutely very well offer. A pussy massage, I mean, like, oh, I totally get it that you're not in the mood for sex, but you know, how about a pussy massage? And if you truly kept it like that the womb massage pussy massage, whatever yoni massage, whatever you want to call it But if you were to truly allow it to just be that, you know and not have the expectation like oh Maybe she'll change her mind being like i'm just here to love. I'm just here to like provide some some Beautiful pleasure and some good feelings and stuff, you know that You That feels so good. So it's another reason why I love what we do and what we teach, you know, so that people have backups. And one more thing, same thing to any of the moms who are listening, like your daughter learning how to do a cock massage. Could actually really change her life and set her up in a very positive way with intimacy with people and not giving up her body because she thinks like if she doesn't do it, then the guy doesn't like her and all the things that like we know at this age to know is not true. But when we're 18, 19, 20, when we're those ages or even younger, unfortunately, it's like, well, we as women. And young women have a tendency to put our bodies up thinking that the guy is going to want us and that he'll stay and the vast majority of the time that isn't the case. So for a woman, for a girl, excuse me, a young woman to know how to do a great cock massage and then she's not gonna get an STI. She's not gonna get an STD. She's not gonna get pregnant You can't do it. If it's just your hands and just as cock, you know It's a game changer to me where there's girls who I remember reading about like the the rainbow cock, have you guys heard about that? Like going to a party and each girl wears a different color lipstick and then the guy gets a ring, gets rings on his cock from the different colors and stuff like that. So, and I, God only knows what's happening now. Like that was years ago. So I can't even imagine what's happening now with, with, um, parties and things like that. But to me, it's like, again, how can you have fun? Clean, responsible, fun, really at any age, um, and having those conversations that we as women can do. So this is more than anything. This is a great way to start breaking the cycle and teaching our, our kids how to have upfront conversations, honest conversations, especially if they're going to be getting intimate with somebody and how to set it up. Well, you know,

Lisa the Poly Wife: 35:48

that's a really excellent point. I have a guy that is interested in. Dating me. And I'm not that attracted to him. And part of my avoiding the conversation with him was to tell him that I do sensual massage for a living. And, um, and I said, well, let me offer you one. And it was really fantastic for me to be able to offer him something and be a hundred percent clear that this was it. Yeah. In and of itself, and nothing more than that. And you're right, Jess, it's a, if I had had that skill early on, even if I couldn't say I was uncomfortable having sex, if I could at least offer something to create intimacy and connection. That didn't require us having sex because I was worried about getting pregnant or whatever. I, I, it would have been a great, it would have been a great thing. And I know that at least in my day, I'm going to be 60 next month. Blowjobs was the alternative to sex, right? But that was also why I learned to give blowjobs as, Um, uh, replacements for sex. So my style of blow job was to imitate intercourse, right? So it was just sort of a piston action in and out, in and out. And that was all it was for me. And, um, because I was trying to avoid having intercourse because of, I was having my period or not on contraceptions or whatever it was, or he didn't want to wear a condom. So I would just use my, use my mouth instead. And, um, that was how we, and I, I did not, I honestly probably didn't give my first hand job until last year. Because I didn't know how to handle a cock. I'm not kidding.

Ella the Virgin: 37:47

Same way! What the heck, right? And again, the way Jess describes it, and she can, I gotta, I don't want to take words out of her mouth, but instead of looking at it as a cock, I mean, looking at it as a temple of sorts, maybe Jess has got the words, the words, better words. And again, just to enjoy it and explore it and watch it change and grow. It is fantastic! I wish I didn't know this a year ago!

Lisa the Poly Wife: 38:10

Isn't it so much fun?

Ella the Virgin: 38:12

It's so much fun. And oh my God, they shake and shiver and just, you know, convulse and everything. And you're like, you know, it gets so big and so engorged. It looks like it's going to crack. You know, it's just, it's amazing. So yeah. What do you call it again? If you call it something looking at it instead of,

Jess the Playful Domme: 38:32

yeah. So in Sanskrit, Uh, which is in ancient language, there's the, the womb or pussy would be called yoni, which means temple. And then the cock Venus would be called lingam, which means wand of light. And so to bring in this element of sacred play, really,

Ella the Virgin: 38:54

it's sacred play. So well said. Yeah.

Jess the Playful Domme: 38:57

You know, this fascination and the curiosity and exploration and the honoring and it's like, you know, the, the, the lingam, the cock is its own being. It is. It's, it's a, it's a, an appendage. So I got to wrap things up. So I'm so glad that we got to talk and I'll talk to you all later. Okay. Bye. Have a great day. Bye. Thanks. Want more? Head over to the playfulpodcast. com for all the juicy things we have to offer. From there you can join our community where you can get access to after hours, attend upcoming workshops and events, and even book a session. Bye for now.